my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

I have yet to see There Will Be Blood (2007), but the buzz surrounding a certain line Daniel Day-Lewis's character, Daniel Plainview, utters has reached my ears. Actually, I should clarify something first: I have never heard DDL say, "I drink your milkshake. I drink it up." Not even in character. What I mean to say is that I've learned that this might be the next big cinematic catchphrase. 'Tis a shame, really, because it is so much better than "I see dead people" or "I wish I knew how to quit you!" I know this to be true despite the fact that my one reliable source about the film (read: Stephanie) has seen it but she can't even remember when Plainview says it, to whom he says it, and under what kind of conditions he says it. Oh, but that is neither here nor there.

Josh Ozersky's blog entry/rant/editorial/whatever on New York Magazine's website was pretty funny. It really inspired me to come up with a reason why we should repeat the line. Again, with what circumstances is quoting the film not just logical but also appropriate? Well, I think I stumbled upon the answer a few minutes ago.

First, a little background: I was just chatting through Gmail with Stephanie. She's been feeling under the weather for over a week now, so she was telling me about the latest developments with regards to her health and well-being. Anyway, turns out that she needs help applying some ointment and bandages to her first degree burn. (Don't ask, it's too embarrassing.) Lucky for her I will be arriving in L.A. in two days. Then again, she was lucky before, too, because I was already scheduled to help her clean her apartment.

You're wondering where this is headed? I'm getting there.

When she told me I'd be needed to fulfill this second favor, I said, "So I'm the cleaning lady and the cabana boy."

Stephanie then proceeded to, I think, do some variation of a line by Catherine O'Hara in Beetlejuice (1988): "You like it." (I presume this was her intention. Not only does she know I like to repeat the line "He likes it," I think she might also like to say it, too. Again, it's hard to tell because getting inflections across through typing is only ever moderately successful. Depends on the context of the situation.)

Here's the big deal: in response, I said, "You're right. I drink your milkshake. I drink it up." What I meant by this phrase is that Stephanie's treatment of me (making me her cleaning lady and her cabana boy) is, for lack of a better word, exciting. I bask in her glow. I make a toast to honor her dominance over me. Oh, this is not sounding like I want it to.

OK. So if we step back a bit, what I mean to show is that to drink someone's milkshake is to surrender something to them, to concede a point, if you will. For example, it could happen if there is a bet between two people. Person No. 1 says, "How much you wanna bet I can dunk this ball in that bin 100 feet away?" Person No. 2 then doubts No. 1 can achieve such a feat. But what do you know? Person No. 1 is successful. Now is the right time for Person No. 2 to use the phrase. "OK. OK. You did it. I drink your milkshake. I drink it up."

See, "milkshake" signifies essence, talent, idea, whatever. But it's got to belong to someone. It's a good thing when someone drinks your milkshake. I realize it can sound selfish, like someone's literally grabbing your strawberry milkshake out of your hand. Or it can sound menacing, as if the person who says it means to humiliate you even more, rubbing it in your face how bad you are at fill-in-the-blank.

No, no. This phrase must be positive, not even self-deflating or humbling. I doubt it is positive in the film, so let us rewrite the line and transform the film as its consumers. I drink your milkshake, There Will Be Blood. I drink it up.

happy birthday cake?

I just had a little bit of the birthday cake ice cream made by a popular brand available in stores. (You know me, I'm not going to advertise.) Doesn't even compare to the same flavor as developed by Bruster's (oops!). This version tasted like cotton candy. When I took my first bite to determine whether or not I wanted to continue scooping it, I yelped, "Eew! Gross!" But I ended up realizing it was edible, just not that good.

Beware of the mass-produced birthday cake flavor ice cream.

another one-liner

The only reason to eat dinner is to seem "normal" because, let's face it, you only want dessert.

so close but yet so far

It's all over. Well, almost. That's what I hate about this last week. I just finished my last exam (didn't go as focused as planned) but I still need to work on getting out of here. And the blasting of vintage Celine Dion from the room of the one neighbor I really can't stand is not making me feel any better. It's making me feel worse.

Friday--though it has no exam--is going to be one hell of a day. I've written many reminders/appointments in my diary. In chronological order, I have to shower (of course), have my room inspected so I can get back my £160 deposit (and then cash it at a specific office on campus), do the laundry, pack, meet a prof for a goodbye drink, hand over my printer to a friend/say goodbye, attend a housewarming party for another friend/say goodbye.

And somewhere in all this I am supposed to have a burger at one of the greasy joints on campus because I haven't had red meat in forever. That was the first reminder I penned in my journal. You can see it is very important to me. I just hope I get round to doing it. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow. Oh this reminds me: I need to buy British Mars bars and Milky Ways. And some sort of Lancaster University paraphernalia so I can announce via sweatshirt the existence of such a place as Lancaster University. And that I was there this past academic year.

why is the rum gone?

Tired. Been out drinking and eating bangers 'n' mash. Will write on Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) tomorrow.

i was the lead in a german comedy-drama

I got back last night from Germany at approximately 11.10 pm. I did a lot in four days, but I didn't make it to Cologne because we were too tired. I apologize that I will not be able to report on Cologne. Actually, I apologize in general because I do not have enough hindsight to really reflect on the experience just yet. It was different because I couldn't read or speak the language but somehow also familiar because the city landscapes weren't exactly what I had imagined. But the country sort of was, with wind farms everywhere.

In the meantime, while I wait to truly reflect on my trips to Hueckelhoven, Herne, Maastricht, Aachen, and Duessledorf, I want to list a few things. Oh, how I love lists.

1.) My listening comprehension of German has certainly improved, almost by leaps and bounds. Before, I could only ever understand my friend Denise when she speaks German because I am more familiar with her voice, speech pattern, and sense of humor to get the message even if I don't understand all of the words. But listening to her speak German with other people, I was able to understand them, too. More and more each day. It even got to the point that while watching The Constant Gardener (2005) in English, everyone, especially Danny Huston, sounded like he was speaking German. I was too used to hearing German.

2.) Having said this, whenever I couldn't understand what was going on or just wasn't paying attention, I felt like I was in a German movie without subtitles. Every conversation was in German except for private ones with Denise and two others, one with a woman who was willing to speak with me at a party and another with an English family friend of Denise's. Generally speaking, whenever I said something to someone other than Denise, she would translate because ich spreche ein bisschen Deutsch.

3.) I now understand why all the Germans I know here miss German bread. It is hard to describe, but it is truly wonderful. Crispy, savory, fresh. Besides the bread, all the food is good, especially the ham.

4.) Speaking of food, I have had more German (and Dutch) food in four days than I have had English food in the seven and a half months I've spent living in England. I've had pork schnitzel, bratwurst, printen, apfelschorle, bowle, some Dutch cheese thing, Black Forest ham, some Belgian ham, etc. etc. Go to Germany for the food alone, the cheapest in Europe.

5.) The Autobahn. When I first heard that when there are speed limits installed, the highest is usually 120 km/h and that Denise has gone upwards of 140 km/h, I thought, "Wow!" Being in the car when she was going that fast didn't feel like, say, 120 mph. I think 120 km/h converts to 75 mph. Will say that I only ever felt like we were going very fast when I first arrived, in the black of night. Also when cars would pass. Even in the rain, people drive very fast, but I never felt unsafe. Germans may have the Autobahn and the Dutch may have stricter limits and give tickets more easily (Dutch drivers are slow in comparison), but they're no Italians or Parisians. They do not drive like maniacs. I repeat, they do not drive like maniacs.

I think that's all for now.

would you like attitude with your meal?

Because Sainsbury's suddenly stopped selling my low-fat burgers, I haven't had any red meat for at least a month until last night. I went to the burgers-kebabs-pizza-fried chicken joint on campus. If you are disgusted by this culinary combination, you have to realize they are ubiquitous here. Gotta hand it to them for wanting to please a variety of tastes. Suppose one in your party feels like chicken when you and your other friends want pizza. Oh, but this is neither here nor there.

I hadn't been to them in a while (only twice before really), and I remembered that the guys who work there are ALWAYS there no matter what time of day it is. And they are always friendly, but they weren't there last night. Some asshole was. He's actually the reason why I am posting. I ordered a half-pound beef burger (£2.90) and a side of chips (£1). He tried to charge me £4.20. When I asked how it totaled up that way, he looked annoyed and looked at me as if I were stupid. I added it up for him and then he said, "£3.90. OK." Because he was outsmarted by a woman, he didn't offer me any salt or vinegar on my chips. I had to ask for them. The other guys would ask me when I'd forgotten to request.

I'm sorry. This was a more interesting story in my head, but its moral is: people are such jerks.

a little taste of home?

I rarely ever eat them when I am at home. And when I do buy them, I buy the reduced fat kind, but of course those do not exist here. It is a wonder I can get the regular kind. They're an American novelty. A lot of people I know do not know what they are, and if they do, they have never tried them. "Oh, they go with milk, don't they?" Commercials have given them this much information. So that they may never try them for themselves. Why would you when you have milk chocolate digestives?

The only way to buy them is in a small package (59p at Sainsbury's) with four individually wrapped packets of four biscuits each. I'm sure we get twice as much in the packages at home. And I cannot for the life of me find the nutrition information anywhere. The ingredients and storage instructions come in ten languages, though, so that is handy.

Now I am going to taste them to see if that is any different. The verdict: much more cookie than cream.

Oh well. An oreo's an oreo.

i didn't think i could get food cravings until...

Lying in bed last night, I was extremely thirsty. All I could and still think about is Sprite. Ironic, I know. "Obey your thirst." And I will. I also want something else from Spar: either orange Fanta or Irn Bru. I also craved hot rotisserie chicken, but I think I will skip that one.