it's not irony that divides us

I've been wanting to post about some strange differences I've observed between the species homo sapien americanus and homo sapien britannicus. Here is a rough sketch of some instances:

1. The Americans know nothing of Britain, and the British think they know everything about the U.S. that they don't ask, they just assume they "know." For instance, the Americans over here know nothing about British pop culture beyond Top Gear. Apparently I am the only American in this corridor (there are quite a few) that knows Robbie Williams was formerly of Take That. And I have come across two Brits that admitted they do not know exactly where California is. One thought it was in the southeast, i.e. Florida.

2. You may think when visiting here that the hottest fashion accessory is the thick acrylic scarf, but you're fooled. The hottest fashion accessory is in fact the plastic shopping bag from places as wide ranging as Tesco and Selfridges. Almost all the girls carry one in addition to their bookbag and/or handbag. They carry library books in these bags, among other things such as that thick and heavy scarf. One girl I talked to even made a fashion statement with her bag, which I assume she must have chosen from the heap of all others in her collection simply because it is from a boutique shop in Edinburgh. By the way, they use a new plastic bag everyday. Couldn't be seen with the same one two days in a row. It's either that or it ripped.

3. Before coming here, I had no idea that in British English, one simply "takes" decisions. You do not "make" them.

4. The English are very hard to get to know, especially when you do not like spending every waking hour in the pub. They value their privacy, too, but sometimes there are blatant contradictions, such as the frequent male streaking that occurs outside in the courtyard. (I always miss the front, but I've seen many a pale ass.) And today, someone from my Spanish film class last term asked if the grade I received on my paper was OK. A bit confused by this question because it is not polite to ask/discuss grades with fellow students where I am from, I said, "Yeah, it's OK." I moved along, and thinking that it would be polite to show an interest in her, I went back and asked, "And you?" "Yeah." Glad that's sorted.

5. The English queue all day long. They queue at cash machines and at Greggs, and I hate watching them eat whatever meat breakfast sandwich they picked out as they walk around. It's so unflattering.

I think that is all for now. Feel free to ask me any questions about this fantastic species, homo sapien britannicus, as I have studied it well over four months now.